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Barb Maxwell --
It is one thing to discuss what you might do if you had a limited amount of time to live. It is quite another to FACE that possibility.
My name is Barbara Maxwell, and this is the reader’s digest condensed version of the past year of my life. In May of 2008 I was told I had cancer. It could not have been a bigger shock, as I was healthy, fit, and felt great. But on the inside, cancer had been staking a claim in my body. I was thrown into a whirlwind of tests, doctors, and more tests, all involving lots of needles and chemicals that glow in the dark. I was beyond scared. I was in shock. The prognosis was I had a tennis ball sized tumor in my breast with not one, but TWO rare kinds of cancer which had spread to the lymph nodes. I was labeled Stage IIIC but they thought it had metastasized to stage IV, just could not be certain. There WAS no time to contemplate the “vacation of a lifetime”. Not even a weekend at Six Flags. I was told to get my affairs in order, and they would do what they could. The prognosis was grim and I was in for the fight of my life, FOR my life.
SO, what do you do when told you are facing your own mortality far earlier than you expected?
I discovered the first reaction of many people is “Why Me, God? WHY are you DOING this to me? WHAT did I DO to DESERVE THIS? I did not ask God this. Life Happens. God ALLOWED this to happen to me, because He is in CONTROL, but He did not DO this to me. I ALSO did not beg to live. I accepted the fact that He KNOWS the future and knows what’s best for me. I decided to TRUST HIM TOTALLY and do with my life what He saw fit. What I DID DO, is ask Him what on EARTH He wanted ME to do during this crisis. And could He show me HOW to use this time in my life for His Glory. This is TRULY one of the most DIFFICULT things I’ve ever done in my life. Few of us enjoy suffering. It is FAR EASIER to ask God to take us AROUND the obstacles of our lives, rather than walk WITH US, THROUGH THEM. I felt His constant presence through this fiery trial, but I did not skate through easy. I suffered. Much. Many things went wrong. Of course there was the hair loss. I had horrible mouth ulcers and nose bleeds, constant nausea, food tasted awful, and I couldn’t keep on weight. I had fatigue to the bone, weakness, pain, and constantly crashing red and white blood counts. There were trips to emergency room and stays in the hospital. Chemo itself almost killed me. I’ve heard it said that chemo is the CLOSEST we come to DYING without actually dying.
That’s exactly how it felt for me. I would have GLADLY opted for an easier route, but it was not to be. I finished chemo around Thanksgiving. My Christmas was spent having a mastectomy. This New Year started with radiation. I finished in March. So how does my story end? AMAZINGLY. When they did the mastectomy, all that was left of the tennis ball sized tumor were small dots of cancer.
The largest of which was 1.5 mm! They got wide clear margins around all of them. And of the 17 lymph nodes removed, ALL CANCER was killed! My doctors told me I was their Christmas Miracle, as this was far more than anyone could have hoped for or imagined.
The prayers of many of you, and thousands of others, quite literally, saved my life. This was GREAT for me and my family, but there is SO MUCH MORE to the story. While struggling through chemo, I began to write; first to close friends and family, then on an international Breast Cancer site on the internet. I poured out my fears, my feelings, my pain and anguish, as well as the funny side of me, trying to make light of a miserable situation. And I developed a following of thousands around the world. All this correspondence is being turned into a book that I hope to wrap up before the year’s end. I am working with my doctors and the Hospital as patient advocate. I am on the Hospital cancer web site, and I am working with the staff to make changes for the better in cancer treatment, especially Breast Cancer. I visit the Chemo Lab to sit with patients, and I am working with various Cancer Societies, speaking to victims, survivors, and churches, to encourage women that they can survive this, the most devastating of cancers to our female psyche, with grace, courage, dignity, and a sense of humor. Out of my own grief from hair loss, I created a whole new wardrobe of what I named “DivaHats”. They became such a huge hit that ChemoDivaWear is now on the internet, and will be fully up and running by early fall. One more way to help BC women cope with our losses.
I’ve also discovered on this road there are NO ATHIESTS in cancer. I’ve had open doors with the hospital, doctors, nurses, staff, and the internet to share my faith and pray with EVERYONE. Prayer in time of crisis trumps ALL beliefs. I’ve prayed with Christians, Atheists, Witches, and Pagans. And NONE have rejected the message. And as I have been allowed to minister to women around the world, they ministered back. Holding me up in prayer through all this, hand in hand with you here that prayed with me. Together those prayers birthed a miracle. My life will NEVER be the same. I have endured the loss of much that will never be regained. The anti-cancer drugs I take daily drain me of energy and cause physical pain. Yet I stand here before you at PEACE with all I’ve suffered, because I have GAINED much as well. A greater knowledge and understanding of a loving, miracle-working God, and a new purpose in life. I thoroughly enjoyed the gift of being an artist and running my own business, but I feel a calling in a whole new direction, at least for now. I do not know what He has in mind for me down the road. What I DO know is that when I FELT like death warmed over, and LOOKED worse than I EVER could have imagined, when I was more SCARED than I’ve ever been, I stepped out in faith and wrote a book, reached around the world on the internet, created a new business, and pushed myself on doctors and hospitals to make improvements on the care of cancer patients and convince all there HAS to be a better way.
I NEVER in a MILLION YEARS imagined myself the voice of Breast Cancer Victims, but God opened doors and I walked through them. Actually, it was more like He opened doors and SHOVED ME through them! I LIKE being in control. I discovered I’m NOT! I LIKE success. It’s not guaranteed. The only guarantee we have in this life is that we WILL, at some point, DIE.
WHAT IF my book may not be the success I hope for? WHAT IF people may tire of hearing my story? WHAT IF I don’t get all the changes I want put in place in cancer treatment? But WHAT IF I succeed? I CHALLENGE YOU to take WHATEVER SITUATION life hands you, WRAP IT in PRAYER, place it in GOD’S HANDS and LIVE LIFE LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW. I have faced the challenge of my life. And I lived life on the edge, beyond my comfort zone, beyond a safety net. And I have learned that NOTHING LESS than HIS WILL can EVER SATISFY MY SOUL!
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