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Beth Funk-- I think it may be surprising that my story centers on the importance of forgiveness.
I had a very good childhood, for the most part. My parents were together, loved each other, weren’t abusive, wanted the best for me and my brothers. In fact, I idolized my dad. He was a born-again Christian, was well-liked and respected in our community, had his own business, was hard-working. On top of it, he was fun, and easy to talk to. The fact that my expectations of him were so high, may have been the reason that I took his disregard as I became a teenage girl so hard.
As I reached puberty, my dad became distant physically. Where formally hugs and kisses had always been welcome, they were now rejected. He didn’t hug or cuddle any longer. He stopped looking at me, stopped noticing my appearance. I remember one Sunday with a new dress on, longing for him to notice it, to say that I looked nice. Nothing came. From my father’s reaction, my teenage girl mind decided that I didn’t have anything to offer the opposite sex. They didn’t find me worthy of attention in that regard.
I had a choice, at that point. For some girls, this is where the deterioration into promiscuity happens. They realize that if they push hard sexually on the males around them, they can get attention that way. This didn’t occur to me though—I had a loving relationship with my dad still, I knew I could get attention, just not that way. I could still talk to my dad, could still spar with him intellectually and spiritually. I took some comfort in that, and became a devoted bookworm and A student. I could be loved for my mind, despite the fact that I wasn’t attractive to men.
Such a minor thing really, but it had a huge impact on my life. I continued on through high school and college, even suicidal at one point during high school from the sheer despair of not being able to attract the attention of my male peers. I took great comfort in my intellect and my success in that realm though. I also gave my life to the Lord at 16, and this added much meaning and purpose. The struggles with male peers would continue though. Throughout high school and college, I only had the briefest of relationships, nothing lasting longer than a month. I had male friends in college, but they were usually the boyfriends of my friends. I longed for nothing more than to be married and have a family, but that was the one thing that eluded me. I was a basket-case at the weddings of friends, as it appeared everyone else had what I wanted, and I had no clue how to get it.
Once I graduated and moved to California for my first job, my relationship with God continued to deepen. My third year as a teacher in LA, I was diagnosed with severe depression however, and had to take a three month leave to recover. I was nearly catatonic when my parents picked me up at the airport. Once I returned to California, I began counseling, and started to uncover the pain that had been eating me alive and determining my fate.
The counseling was hugely helpful, and I grew through counseling and mentoring for the next six years. No matter how full and rich my life in Christ as a single person had become though, I was still a single person. I was still not dating. I was also having challenges with men in authority over me. At the time that I met Carla Demczak and she introduced me to the forgiveness material, I had been put on a one year probationary period by Hope. Unbeknownst to me at the time, one of the reasons they were cautious about hiring me was my emotional immaturity.
The “forgiveness stuff” as Carla and I call it, literally changed my life. Without my knowing it, my father’s behavior during my teen years had created a cycle in me of self-fulfilling prophecy. I expected to be rejected, so those vibes were out there. Men stayed away from me because I was sending out “stay away from me” vibes. Because that root of unforgiveness had remained there from all those years ago, my emotions and therefore my behaviors were still coming from that wounded twelve year old.
As I prayed through my pain with my dad, I would lay those emotions out there for Christ to deal with. As each prayer was prayed, I could literally feel the pain seep away. For example, I remember one particular moment when I was 13--my dad told me he was disappointed in me. Prior to the forgiveness prayers, if I had told you that story, I would have been in tears. Now, I can recall it with no pain. It used to make my gut seize up with shame. All that is gone now, through the power of Christ.
As the emotional pain and unforgiveness was removed, so was my bondage to the self-fulfilling prophecy. As my emotional core changed, my behavior changed. I was hired full-time by Hope, and my issues with authority figures at work dissolved. I was no longer taking out my feelings about my dad on others. I was no longer emitting “stay away from me vibes” to the opposite sex. Approximately a year after I first started working on the forgiveness material, I met a super cutie named Shannon Funk. The rest, as they say, is history. We will celebrate our second anniversary this May, and the arrival of our first child in August.
As I have continued to work with people like Majeeda on their past hurts, I have become more and more convinced that there is nothing, nothing that Jesus cannot heal. Nothing. No matter what kind of pain you have in your past, no matter how hurtful, He is ready and willing to take the pain of your past and transform it for you. The freedom that is available through Him will blow your mind. No matter how seemingly big or small your past hurts are, they have an impact on your present life. I hope that the encouragement you can take from my story is that no matter what the size of your hurts, God has freedom and wholeness for you, beyond your wildest dreams. Of all the things that I love about my job here at Hope, being a part of God’s plan to free people from their baggage is my favorite.
Susan is going to give you a version of the prayer that I use. If you would like more information, or would like someone to walk through the forgiveness process with you, please contact me at the church office.
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